Shenanigans
by Madame Band Geek
Summary: A random collection of Harry Potter drabbles. All characters, all pairings, all themes, canon and AU.
1. Pigs May Fly

Shenanigans

Pigs May Fly

* * *

"Evans! Hey, Evans!"

James Potter stumbled up the stairs, chasing after his beloved red head.

"Evans!"

She finally whirled around, and snapped, "What is it, Potter?"

James broke into another cocky grin as his hand went to ruffle his hair, "Go out with me, Evans?"

Lily wanted to scream. She seriously did. After seven years, he had never stopped chasing her.

So she did the only thing she could do.

"Alright, Potter. I'll go out with you."

The world stopped spinning. It fell off its axis. The poles reversed. Pigs flew. Hell froze over.

_ Lily Evans just said yes._

"Are you joking?" James asked in a voice that only shook a bit. "Are you feeling ill? Do you need me to accompany you to the hospital wing?"

"No, I'm quite alright, actually," Lily said, watching James warily.

"No, it's just… you said yes to me… are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes."

"Positive?"

"Potter, I'm quite positive."

"I think you're sick." James said with absolute certainty.

"Potter, I can assure you that I am not sick, but I might be soon. You're making me sick."

"There's only one explanation for this. I'm dreaming. Sooner or later Sirius and Remus will be dressed in dominatrix outfits. You just watch, Evans. Trust me."

Lily Evan shook her head. "Never mind then, Potter. Try again later."

James had trouble processing what was happening.

"Evans? Evans? Hey, Evans, wait up- I didn't mean it!"

* * *


	2. Odd One Out

Shenanigans

Odd One Out

* * *

Peter has always felt like the odd one out.

He watches the rest of the Marauders parade around school, while he tags along.

He's always the butt of Sirius' jokes.

He's always the victims of James' pranks.

He's always the bait for Remus' plans.

And he's grown tired of it.

Sure, it's great being a Marauder; chasing after Evans with James, talking McGonagall out of giving detention to Sirius, running under the full moon with Remus… it's all fun and games while it lasts…

Peter doesn't want to be the butt of jokes, the victim of pranks, or the bait for the plans any longer.

He wants to make his own jokes, his own pranks, and his own plans.

All Peter can do is vow to show them all someday.

He'll show them all someday…

* * *


	3. Driving Moony Loony

Shenanigans

"Driving Moony Loony"

Slash in this one.

* * *

"Moo-ooony…"

Remus shifts in his sleep.

"Moo-ooony…"

Remus shifts again.

"MOONY!"

"Wha?"

With a thump, Remus falls out of bed and hears Sirius' cackling.

* * *

It's almost the full moon, and Remus is more tired than usual.

He's fallen asleep on his bed, openly snoring.

Courtesy of Sirius, Remus' hand is full of shaving cream, and Sirius is tickling Remus's nose with a feather.

Remus twitches in his sleep and mumbles something about constellations.

Sirius tickles his nose again, and –SCORE!- Remus attempts to swat it away with the shaving-cream-covered hand.

Sirius can barely control his giggles now. He does it again, and –SCORE!- Remus swats it away.

This goes on for quite a while until Remus starts to wake up, and knows that something is terribly wrong…

"You." Remus breathes dangerously, "You."

Sirius collapses into giggles.

* * *

Gryffindor has just won another Qudditch match, so it's customary that they celebrate into the wee hours of the morning.

The party's still raging, and the Heads, specifically Lily and especially Remus, had long ago given up on trying to get them to quiet down.

In fact, the former of them was currently being chased around by everyone's favorite seeker.

However, the latter was asleep, mouth open and everything, in a chair…

…courtesy of the spiked butterbeer that Sirius had nicked from somewhere…

The said Marauder was busy drawing on Remus. Sirius was incredibly drunk, too, but that was beside the point.

So far, Sirius had invited almost everyone to come drawn something on Remus. Remus was decorated like a Christmas tree, with everything from _Sirius is hott, James is sexy, go out with me evans?, _and even_ moony and padfoot 4ever _scrawled across his face.

Now all Sirius had to wait for was for Remus' eventual waking up.

"_You_."

Sirius collapses into drunken giggles, yet again.

* * *

This time is different.

Remus is staring at Sirius and Sirius is staring at Remus.

The feeling is in the air is almost charged; palpable. They both can feel something change, but neither of them knows what it is.

* * *

Remus opens up his textbooks and notices that something is wrong.

Very wrong.

Drastically wrong.

_ Someone_ had replaced the textbook pages with centerfolds.

Sirius can barely control his giggles from across the room and Remus turns in his seat to glare at him.

"You."

Sirius then goes off into a giggle fit, resulting in a detention.

* * *

It's late at night.

Sirius moves next to Remus carefully.

Remus sends Sirius questioning glances.

Hesitation is there in Sirius' eyes as he kisses Remus carefully.

Remus pulls away as, feeling electricity arch between them.

Remus suddenly feels very brave as his hand shoots out to grasp Sirius' wrists.

"You."

The questioning glances are sent again.

And once again, Sirius carefully kisses him.

Only this time Remus doesn't pull away.

* * *


	4. Scheming Beauties

Shenanigans

"Scheming Beauties"

In which Fred and George help their lovesick Ronnie-kins get his girl.

* * *

"Ron." Fred placed a hand on the said person's shoulder.

"Face it." George placed his hand on the other shoulder.

"You're lovesick." The twins said in unison.

Ron glanced up at them tiredly. "Well, what are we going to do about it?"

"The answer-" George began.

"-is ridiculously simple." Fred concluded.

"Make Hermione want you." They cried.

"And how am I supposed to do that?" Ron placed his head in his hands.

"Invite her over and then go swimming so she can gaze upon your half-naked body." Fred suggested blankly.

"Bake her something with a love potion." George countered.

"Buy her jewelry." Fred insisted.

"_Make_ her jewelry." George fixed Fred with a glare.

"Tell her she's pretty." Fred patted his shoulder enthusiastically.

"Insist that she's beautiful." George ruffled his hair.

"Write her a letter." Fred shook him slightly.

"Compose a love poem." George thumped his shoulder.

"Wait- STOP!" Ron held out his hands to break the twin's incessant chatter.

"Yes, ickle Ronnie-kins?" They answered at once.

"Um…"

"Yes?"

"Hermione's special. I can't do just anything."

"Our Ronnie-kins is growing up." Fred crooned.

"Look at him, completely back-asswards about a girl." George stroked his head.

"Get _off_ of me." Ron wrestled them off.

"Well," Fred said, holding up one finger thoughtfully, "There is one thing…"

George nodded in agreement. "This, my friend, always works."

And they bent over to whisper their plan in Ron's ear.

* * *


	5. Snog Her Senseless

Shenanigans

"Snog Her Senseless"

The Marauders come to Ron in a dream to knock some sense into him: snog her senseless.

* * *

Ron and Hermione are alone in the common room and they are not fighting. They are talking. In fact, they are talking not about school, but about random stuff, like careers (she doesn't laugh at him) and hobbies (he's only slightly surprised).

But soon they just find themselves staring at each other. There's a certain light behind her eyes and Ron doesn't know what it is.

They're still just friends and it's eating him alive.

Finally, they break eye contact and Hermione looks away, upset.

Ron doesn't know what to do so he just walks upstairs.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he flops down on his bed and immeadiatly falls asleep.

* * *

"_Where the hell are we anyway?" _

_ Ron has not heard that voice in almost two years._

"_Sirius?" He asks, his voice almost breaking with joy._

"_Yeah, kid, it's me." Sirius gets him in a headlock._

_ Ron stares at Sirius. "You look different."_

"_That's because he's seventeen." Remus counters._

"_You're also seventeen," Ron notices, "Are you all seventeen?"_

"_Yep," There is voice almost like a squeak and Ron knows it's Peter._

_ Ron's eyes glitter with hatred, but Sirius knocks him upside the head._

"_We've reverted to our seventeen year old selves for just this one night. We're the Marauders for the last time!" Sirius declares, slinging an arm around Ron's shoulders, nearly knocking Ron off his feet._

"_Easy, Sirius. Down boy."_

_ Sirius woofs comically, winking at Ron._

"_James should be here soon." Remus sighs, "He's always late."_

_ Suddenly there is a very girlish giggle._

_ Peter rolls his eyes. "Not again."_

_ James comes into the scene with Lily's arms around his neck. Ron stares at them, not quite sure what to say. He looks remarkably like Harry, but he's got Lily's eyes._

"_Taking good care of my son?" Lily giggles, making her way over to Ron. "I'm sure you are." _

_ Ron nods stiffly, not quite sure how to react._

_ James suddenly grins, "This is manly business, Lily. This is something you do not need to be around for."_

_ Lily nods. "See you later, James."_

_ Then Lily disappears. _

_ Ron looks at his best mate's dead father and his dead friends and doesn't know what to say._

"_So, Ron," James begins, motioning for Ron to sit down in a chair that appeared out of nowhere._

"_We understand that there is this girl that you like very much," Remus adds, a devilish grin on his features._

"_And also that you refuse to do anything about it," Peter interjects._

"_So eve've come to a conclusion," Sirius grins._

"_You have got to get over yourself!" They shout._

"_What?" Ron asks, totally shocked._

"_She digs you!" Peter shouts._

"_Not only does she dig you, she thinks you're SEXY!" Remus yells. _

_ Ron raises an eyebrow._

"_I should know," Remus admits with a grin, "I've read it once or twice."_

"_You sly old dog." Sirius high-fives Remus._

"_Anyway," James continues, "She's too shy to do anything about this!"_

"_Which brings us to one conclusion:" They say in unison, "You have got to do something about this."_

"_Betcha didn't know she's had a crush on you since third year." Peter says suddenly._

"_Betcha you didn't know that you make her happy." James cries._

"_Betcha you didn't know how often she thinks about how nice it would be to kiss you." Remus smirks at him._

_ "Betcha didn't know that she's made excuses to see you without your shirt off." Sirius raises an eybrow at him._

_ "Betcha didn't know that in the fourth year she told Victor that she had a boyfriend, and he was you, just so he would get off her back." Peter kicks his chair._

_ "Betcha you didn't know that the first time she saw you she thought you were ridiculouly cute." James adds._

_"Betcha you didn't know that she thought you looked incredibly sexy in your dress robes." Remus shakes Ron's shoulder._

"_Betcha you didn't know that Hermione's in love with you, eh?" Sirius delivers him a nudge in the ribs._

"_Now Ron, we have some advice to give you," The Maurauders say._

"_What's that?"_

_ "SNOG HER SENSELESS, YOU STUPID PRAT!"_

_

* * *

_

Ron wakes up, shaking off a strange but vivid dream.

Ron nearly flies down the stairs, through with being a coward.

Hermione is still sitting there, staring at the fireplace.

He walks up to her, yanks her upright, and kisses her promptly.

He pulls away suddenly and shouts to no one in particular, "Does that make you happy now?"

Hermione looks shocked.

"Not you, Hermione," Ron says, leaning down to kiss her again.

Poor old Harry had to walk in at least an hour later to find his best mate snogging his best female mate senseless.


	6. Dreaming

Shenanigans

Dreaming

Ron has a strange dream about his best mates and finds he is strangely jealous.

4th year. Implied R/H

* * *

"_Hello, Harry dear!"_

_ It's Hermione, Ron notices. She looks very pretty in that color._

_ Wait._

_ Hermione and looks pretty in the same sentence?_

_ That's not cool to think about a best mate, right?_

_ Oh, look, it's Harry. Maybe Harry will know what's wrong with hi-_

_ OH MERCIFUL GOD!_

_ THEY'RE KISSING!_

_ Ron blinks. He stares. The structure of the world is crumbling._

_ His best mates are dating._

_ They're SNOGGING._

_ And he has officially become the third wheel._

A fourteen-year old Ron wakes up with a jolt and tries to get the images out of his head. A strange feeling is settling in him.

Sad?

No.

Hungry?

…always…

Is it just his imagination or is he jealous?

Jealous?

HA. As if…

But Ron can't help but notice, as he looks at Hermione during breakfast, that's she's very cute when she's sleepy.

* * *


	7. Writer's Block

Shenanigans

Writer's Block

Hermione attempts to tell Ron how she feels through letters.

* * *

_ Ron, _

_ I'm not quite sure how to say this. You've been differently lately… I mean, GOOD different…. I mean- _

Oh, bugger.

_ Dearest Ronald Bilius Weasley_

God, this one sucks already.

_ Ron I'm in love with you but I don't know how to tell you_

Um… no…

_ Ron,_

_ You are my best friend. You mean the world to me. Even with your emotional range of a teaspoon you're still my one and only-_

Too sappy.

_ Ron,_

_ I am THISCLOSE to getting Fred and George to write this letter, but the repercussions would be serious._

Not to mention embarrassing…

_ Weasley,_

Have I sunk to calling you by your last name?

_ Ron,_

_ You're my best friend. You are my one and only confident. I can count on you when things go wrong. You light up my day-_

** No.**

_ Ron,_

_ Oh, screw it. _

_ I love you._

_ -Hermione_

* * *


	8. Costumes

Shenanigans

Costumes

Unfortunately, Remus Lupin looks very good in a dress. (Halloween-centric) Slash.

* * *

"I can't believe you talked me into this."

Sirius heard Remus' voice over the roar of the common room.

It was Halloween once again for the Gryffindors, and they did the only sensible thing: they partied.

"C'mon, Moony, you promised!" Sirius whined, "Just come down the stairs already!"

"Fine, just everyone is going to laugh…"

"Just imagine what it would have been like if I had picked out what costume you would have to wear." Sirius called up the stairs.

"That's the only thing that's keeping me going right now." Remus shuddered.

Remus Lupin descended the stairs in a dress. Not just any dress, but a short cocktail dress. It was an acid green color, it was strapless and it barely hit Remus' knees.

Sirius' mouth dropped open.

Remus' face colored. "What?" He asked, thoroughly exasperated.

"You… look… pretty hot…." Sirius' eyes traveled from Remus' heeled feet, up his legs, along his dress, and into his made up face.

"So, James made me dress in drag," Remus was getting embarrassed from the amount of attention he was getting from Sirius.

"Not just any drag- good drag… _hot_ drag… drag that works on you…" Sirius then looked into Remus' face.

"Where's your costume?" Remus asked pointedly, trying to divert attention.

"Peter told me to go as someone's date," Sirius rolled his eyes, "Very original, right? Well, Moony, you can be _my_ date."

Remus spluttered. "What?"

The trademark grin was spreading across Sirius' face. "You're _my_ date Remus. And, I don't plan to share you."

"Is this date just for Halloween?" Remus asked.

A serious look spread across Sirius' face as he slipped into his costume persona, he linked arms with Remus and said "Only if you want it to be."

Was Sirius just imagining it or did Remus' grasp tighten?

As they approached the punch table, Remus wobbling in his heels, he fell.

Sirius caught him and their faces wound up less then a few inches apart.

Remus stared at Sirius serenely as Sirius stared back.

"One or two more dates would be nice," Remus concluded.

* * *


	9. Daisy Petals

Shenanigans

"Daisy Petals"

* * *

Ginny Weasley plucks a daisy off the ground, staring at the petals.

She is fifteen and more miserable than she has ever been in her entire life.

She twirls the daisy around in her fingers idly.

She picks a petal off the flower.

_ He loves me._

She picks another one off.

_ He loves me not._

Another.

_ He'll come back for me._

Another is plucked.

_ He'll never come back for me._

Shaking fingers hastily pluck another petal.

_ He'll live through this._

She quickly pulls another one off.

_ He'll die._

She pulls one off in anger.

_ He'll come back for me but then dump me because of post-traumatic stress disorder._

Another petal is viciously plucked.

_ He'll come back for me and tell me it's over._

She rips one off.

_ I'll do something ridiculous like go after Draco Malfoy to relieve my anger and we'll wind up falling into love or lust or something and have wild crazy sex._

And Ginny finds with sudden shock, that there are no petals left to pluck.

…and also that the latter option is strangely appealing, given the present circumstances.

* * *


	10. Dress in Drag

Shenanigans

Dress in Drag

Of the many plans that James had hatched to get his Lily, this was the most ridiculous and the most humiliating.

* * *

"I can't believe I'm wearing this." Sirius nudged James in the ribs. "Why do I have to wear this again?"

"Because, you're supposed to look like a girl so you can sneak in and find out if Lily digs me!" James reminded him.

"I agree with Sirius. This is ridiculous!" Remus muttered under his breath.

"Remus, I can't agree more," Peter mumbled.

"Hey," James said, hurt, "I would do the same for you if you asked me."

"You would dress like this?" The remaining Marauders asked incredulously.

James took a careful look at their outfits. Peter was dressed in girl jeans and a sweater. Remus had gotten stuck in a short skirt and a t-shirt. And Sirius had gotten stuck with a dress.

They had all stuffed accordingly in the right places and done their best to look like girls: wigs, makeup and all…

"Well…" James began.

"That's all you really _have_ to say."

"Alright," James said, clapping his hands together, "Let's go over the plan."

Sirius shot James a sour look. "I prance into the common room and ask for Lily. My cronies-" Here Remus gave an offended snort "-come in after me and we attack her with questions."

"And remember- don't indicate us in any way or the whole plan is blown!" James added.

"We know, Prongs, keep your shirt on!" Peter said, "We're going anyway."

The three Marauders shot each other glances. "Do you really want to do this," Remus asked in an undertone.

"No, I defiantly do not. I like my masculinity and I don't need to associate with my feminine side."

"You have a _feminine_ side?" Peter snorted.

Sirius colored. "Everyone has a feminine side, Peter."

Peter continued to snicker until Remus hit him. "Shut up, you'll blow our cover."

"There's Lily!" Peter whispered.

"Go Sirius, go!" Remus gave Sirius a shove.

Sirius shot Remus a look. "I'm going to get you for that."

Sirius sashayed his way over to Lily.

"Um, excuse me, are you Lily Evans?" He asked in a breathy, high voice. He could hear Remus stifling laughter in the background.

"Yeah…" Lily said, looking at Sirius strangely. "Do I know you?"

"No, of course you don't!" Sirius laughed airily, "But I know you."

Lily's eyes bugged out. "_Excuse_ me?"

Remus came to Sirius' rescure. "What she means is, Ja- um, we just want to know if you're interested in anybody."

Lily continued to stare at them as if they were insane. "I don't swing that way."

"Oh, not like that!" Peter came running over to save his friends. "Is thre any certain boy that you fancy?"

"Why are you asking me?" Lily's eye narrowed.

"Oh, no. We're in for it now." Remus whispered under his breath.

"I actually don't think you're girls. I think you're Sirius and Remus and Peter all dressed up as girls, and if I pulled on that sorry wad of hair you call a wig I bet it would come right off!" Lily stood up and faced them, "And yes, for the record I fancy somebody, and no, I'm not going to tell you even if it's JAMES!"

"C'mon guys," Sirius said, abandoning his airhead voice, "Let's go."

Remus and Peter followed out the portrait hole.

James was anxiously awaint them on the other side. "How'd it go?"

Sirius took off his wig and shook out his hair. "She figured us out, mate, sorry."

James bowed his head in defeat.

"But…" Remus said thoughtfully, "I actually think she fancies you. She called you by your first name."

James' face brightened. "That's great! Now, listen up, team, it's time for phase two…"

* * *


End file.
